1. What’s “She Journeys: A Memoir of Heartbreak and Homecoming” about and why did you write it?
She Journeys is my story of healing after my first marriage imploded. I was married by twenty-one and divorced by twenty-four, but in those three years I experienced heartbreak, betrayal, and trauma. Leaving that toxic marriage was one of the hardest, yet most important things I ever did. What followed was seven years of healing through travel, spirituality, traditional and alternative modalities and ultimately, writing. Writing this book became my way of reflecting, processing, and reconciling in the aftermath of abuse. It was terrifying, rage-inducing, and revolutionary. Throughout the process, I took ownership of my codependence, unpacked the stories of my ancestors alongside my own trauma, and found a path to freedom, forgiveness, and healing.
2. You were a full time caregiver to your ex-husband after his military helicopter crashed, but even then, he was abusive towards you. What gave you the strength to leave?
When I found out about the first affair, I stayed because I loved him so much that the prospect of life without him was more painful than the betrayal. I thought we could heal together, but ultimately, he wasn’t willing to do the work to repair. I was getting ready to leave him when the crash happened and the threat of death changed everything. He needed full time care and promised to be a better man. But he quickly spiraled in his own wounds (alcohol and drug abuse, depression, PTSD) and everything came undone. I tolerated betrayal, lies, and abuse all culminating in a night that could have ended with one or both of us dead. After that, even though I was devastated, I realized leaving was my only option. I saved my own life when I left that one behind.
3. How did you find healing after your separation?
I survived thanks to the generosity and love of close friends and family who housed me and slowly helped bring me back to life during and after my separation. I set out on a cross-country road trip, hiking, camping, and backpacking. I moved back in with my parents for a short time who re-nurtured me. There was a supernatural experience in a yoga studio that led me to look at my own role in my marriage for the very first time. But I buried the trauma and pain for years only to realize it was critical to revisit. There was spirituality, therapy, breath-work, ancestral unpacking, a plant medicine ceremony, a divorce ritual, and finally writing this book. I fell in love again with a man of incredible integrity. Together, we bought a van, sold our belongings, and hit the road. In 2023, Andrew proposed and we eloped two weeks later. Being re-married to a man who is safe, loyal, loving, and who has had his own recovery has also been incredibly healing.
4. You are a “vanlifer” now. How is that going? What is your daily routine like? What is it like always being on the road/traveling?
I love van life! This is our fifth year on the road in a self-built camper van. The first year (2020) was all about visiting National Parks, hiking, and exploring the American West, but when it shifted from “trip” to “lifestyle” Andrew and I slowed down and began to write. We’ve both spent the last four years writing our respective books camped out somewhere beautiful on public lands for a week or two at a time. (Andrew just published his travel-memoir called Now Is the Time: A Van Life Road Trip, A. Singer) I love waking up to a new backyard, the freedom, the simplicity. We have everything we need and we need very little. Right now, we are on a van life book tour visiting indie bookstores to meet folks and promote our books!
5. What have you learned about yourself, life, or others during your journey? How has that shifted your perspective for the better?
I’ve learned that the healing journey is the most important one we can ever take and that as we heal we contribute to the healing of all. I learned that there is no freedom without responsibility and that forgiveness is a radical act of self-love. I’ve come to understand that so much poor behavior is coming from a deeply wounded place and it has helped me find compassion for myself and others. I had to learn who I was from the inside out and I discovered a sense of strength and resilience that I had no idea I was capable of. All of it has led me “home” to a wild and beautiful life where I am free.
6. Anything else you’d like to share?
My hope and prayer is that my book supports others on their own journeys of healing after heartbreak. It’s so important to know that we are not alone and sharing our stories helps to validate our experiences. If you’ve ever had to rebuild after ruin, there is always hope.
